One Day Raven Woke Up Gay
by Nagia
Summary: NOT FEMSLASH. Raven goes to sleep... And wakes up the next morning in a world called Geard, where Beast Boy is the leader of the Titans, Starfire understands sarcasm, and Harley Quinn is in love with Batman.
1. Chapter One

Title: One Day Raven Woke Up Gay

Rating: PG-13

Summary: No, Raven didn't actually wake up a lesbian. Instead, she woke up somewhere completely Else. A place in which she receives a taste of her own medicine… from a person she'd never expect.

Notes: R.L. Stine fans may remember that choose-your-own-adventure book where you went to sleep in the guest room, and woke up in alternate universes? Well, the idea of AU-hopping sort of stuck with me.

If you were hoping for a plot like that, you're out of luck. This fic takes place in two universes, and the hopping occurs only at the beginning (and maybe, if Raven is lucky, at the end). And no. It is not choose your own adventure.

Anyway. On with the fic.

**One Day Raven Woke Up Gay**

**Prelude**

…and after the Museum of Vigilantism, which catalogues the 'super-heroes' of decades past and present, one simply _must_ visit the Main Street Pizzeria. The name on the sign reads 'Mr. Pizza,' but to the locals, this lively little pizzeria is simply The Pizza Place. But while the Museum of Vigilantism closes at ten PM, The Pizza Place remains open almost all night long. A lucky thing, considering that you won't want to leave the Museum until closing time (even if the little ones are clamoring to go to bed).

Those aren't the only fun things around. They're just the most family-friendly ones. But if you're twenty-one or older, the city won't come alive until night. Jump City's nightlife is amazing— not quite Metropolis', but certainly much better than Gotham's. There must be a dozen nightclubs on Main Street alone…

— CLARK KENT, article for _Metropolis Daily_ (not yet published)

"I admit, Raven," Starfire sneered. "I made a bad choice. You made a worse one, and you must pay the price of it."

"I know I made a mistake!" Raven begged. "But please don't do this!"

"Shut up, Raven." Beast Boy said. "We're tired of your excuses."

"Cyborg. Take her away."

"You don't have any right, any right at all!" The half-demon sobbed as Cyborg grasped her arms. "NO RIGHT! NO RIGHT!" The metal man began to shove.

The pink door slammed closed.

The stars looked down at the earth. They weren't actually looking— stars have lots of other things that interest them, and the comings and goings of earth-folk have little importance to them. But if the stars had cared, they would have looked at earth.

Actually, they would have looked at the strange lights in the sky over the American West Coast, in southern California. Lights that danced over an area called 'Jump City'.

The stars would have cared, if they had looked. They would have said something like, 'oh look at that, how odd.' Of course, space is a vacuum, so they couldn't have heard it, but stars don't have ears or mouths, either.

There are other means of communication.

The eldritch lights continued to twinkle.

Gratefully, Raven unfastened her cloak and shimmied out of her leotard and slipped between her black silken sheets. Her eyes seemed glued closed already and she saw no point in bothering to try to clear her mind— she'd just fall asleep trying, and that could be dangerous.

Robin hadn't let them leave the Tower except for emergencies. And there had been three break-ins (all Slade's work), a gang war (Slade set it up), and Superman had challenged them to a duel (Robin stubbornly insisted that Slade a set that up, b had something to do with that, or c would somehow find a way to profit from that).

Beneath the twinkling eldritch glow, she did the worst thing possible: she fell asleep.

**1**

Raven woke to the unpleasant sound of somebody banging on her bedroom door. Anger welled but she soon crushed it and rose to open the door.

Outside her door stood the strangest thing she had ever seen: Starfire in a harlequin suit. However, instead of the usual colorful costume, Starfire wore a costume that had been split completely evenly in half, one side black, one side white. Half her face had been painted black, and she wore a porcelain drama half-mask over the other half of her face.

Raven wondered for a ridiculous moment just how Starfire made the mask stick to her face, but figured that the Tamaranian girl had used the same chemical Robin did.

If Raven hadn't known better, she would have thought that Starfire looked disappointed. But the look vanished almost instantly.

"Friend Raven, I am glad to see that you are awake." Starfire said. But she sounded wrong. "We thought you would sleep all day, and we cannot have that."

Raven merely raised an eyebrow.

The redhead stared her in the eyes. "Have you forgotten your duty as Entertainer of Children?"

_Entertainer of Children?_ Raven wondered. _I don't even **like** kids!_

"Maybe I don't want to do my duty."

"Even if you dislike your job, you chose it and so must do it. You cannot change it now." A sneer. "Nor should you. It is not our fault you made a bad choice and now pay its price."

_**Now** I know what's wrong with her!_ Raven realized. _She sounds like me!_

"So I made a bad choice. It's not like you've ever made bad choices or anything." She grumbled.

Surprisingly, Starfire got the sarcasm. "I admit that accepting Robin's proposal of a 'date' was a poor choice. However, that is not on the same scale of the choice you now pay for and it is unusually cruel of you to rub my nose on it, as the saying goes."

Raven's brain nearly broke. Starfire didn't catch sarcasm. It was simply a rule of the universe. Beast Boy made dumb puns, Cyborg was good at racing games, and Starfire didn't understand sarcasm.

_What the hell is going on here?_

Starfire looked closely at her. "Why are you wearing that stone on your head?"

"It's a chakra stone. It helps me control my powers."

"As the case may be," the other girl drawled. "Please, Friend, follow me. You must shower and dress, and then put on your face."

"Put on my face?"

"Yes, of course! Put on your face. You are not wearing it. Therefore, you must put it on!"

"How do I 'put on' my face? It's a part of me."

Starfire stared, then smiled devilishly. "Do you not know?" She sounded outraged, smug, _and_ excited.

She raised her already quirked eyebrow a little higher. "What do _you_ think?"

The devilish grin widened. "It worked!" Something about the way she grinned made it seem as though this was her equivalent of jumping up and down and clapping her hands. "Come with me! We must go see Beast Boy and inform him that the plan has worked!"

"What? Beast Boy? Why?"

"He is our leader. Why should he not be informed?"

"But… Robin is our leader."

The grin vanished. "It really did work…" And then Starfire became businesslike. "Well. Robin may be the leader in your version of this world— he is certainly wise and gifted enough, but here, he declined the post."

"Declined the position of leader?" _What? Why would he do that? Robin is a natural leader!_

"In fact," Starfire continued, "he only joined because Batman demanded it of him. I think Robin cares for the Dark Knight in more ways than one." The girl winked jauntily, and Raven realized what she meant. "In any event, we really _must_ hurry. Come along, please."

But the girl stopped short, then turned to face Raven. The stiffness of her pose and the look on her face told Raven that a cruel thought had occurred to her.

"Upon further rumination…" Her voice became brisk once more. "We shall not see Beast Boy. You have slept too long for such a visit. In order to make our usual schedule, you shall simply have to shower and put on your face."

"Right," Raven replied, wondering just what in the hell Starfire was talking about.

"Follow me!" The Tamaranian smiled and motioned for Raven to follow, walking away.

Raven found herself standing in a trailer full of sinks, showers, a large tub and far too many faucets.

"What the…"

"I was not used to it at first, either." Starfire shrugged. "But the Cray are a proud people, who do not like to be alone. Centuries of being outcasts have made them fear not only to judge, but also to be away from each other."

"Are we… are we the Teen Titans?" Raven asked. "Do we fight evil, or is there something else we do?"

Starfire looked at her, a strange melancholy now in her countenance. "Yes, we fight evil."

"But… as clowns? What do we do, make people laugh themselves to death?"

"Your humor is very biting." The younger girl inclined her head, a queenly gesture to acknowledge a worthy foe.

"Thanks." Raven didn't use her driest tone, but she did use one of her drier ones.

The redhead shrugged again. "In any case, the Cray's unwillingness to judge makes them evil."

"Oh?"

She nodded earnestly. "They are harboring an evil woman, a horrible clown— the Harlequin, also known as Harley Quinn, perhaps the most evil villain known to Geard. She plays her sidekick, the Joker, for a fool. He thinks she loves him!" A bitter laugh. "The Cray would shelter her, so we are going for damage control. Eventually, to garner Batman's attention, she will do something drastic that even the Cray cannot forgive." A truly disturbing smile lit Starfire's face. "And then we shall _have_ her!"

"Wait, Harley Quinn loves Batman?" The half-demon's head reeled. She had been to Gotham, had gone with Robin once, on a stakeout. Robin had made it clear that Harley Quinn loved the Joker, and the Joker didn't love her back.

"Yes," her friend and not-friend affirmed. "As does Catwoman. Catwoman and Harley Quinn are vying for his attentions. The Titans have placed bets on who will get the closest to the Dark Knight's heart."

"Who did I place my bet on?" Raven asked.

"Robin."

"I placed my bet on _who—_"

"No, Robin is standing behind you."

"So it worked," the Boy Wonder said. "You haven't told Beast Boy."

"This is the women's shower!" Starfire cried. "Raven will soon divest herself!"

Robin smiled grimly. "Doesn't matter. Why haven't you told Beast Boy?"

"We have not the time for this!" Starfire cried. "Raven must bathe and put on her face! Beast Boy will not exempt her from her duties!"

Robin sighed. "Bathe quickly, Raven. And meet me behind o baro." With that, Robin left.

"O baro?"

"It means literally, 'the big' in Cray. It is the big tent." Starfire seemed to think of something. "Oh, that is right! The Cray almost never perform ablutions alone. They do almost nothing alone."

"I see." And with that, under Starfire's watchful eye, Raven disrobed.

Starfire showed her how to run the taps, and taught her how to read the labels on all the various bottles. After Raven showered (which Starfire had found strange. According to Starfire, the Raven of this world usually preferred baths), Starfire fetched her costume and showed her how to 'put on her face.'

Raven's costume consisted of a pink dress— a ball gown, really; it had a very, very tight bodice and then flowed outwards in an A-line, not stopping until it touched her ankles— and a pair of classical drama masks, one laughing, one crying, one white, one black. Raven's face consisted of white cake paint, with her eyes lined in black and blue and her lips painted burgundy.

"This is what you wear on carnival days, when you must entertain children. Harley Quinn owns a prostitution ring with a carnival theme. She operates it from here." Starfire's evil smile returned. "For that, your attire is somewhat different. We are working to bring it to its knees from the inside."

Raven nodded. She could deal with closing down a prostitution ring. "How do my powers operate here?"

"From what I understand, you being the child of an angel, they require you to be spiritually pure. Only if you become spiritually impure will they desert you. However, if you feel too much righteous anger, you may accidentally summon the Seraphim— I have heard you boast that you could summon Michael himself."

She was the child of an _angel_? But… her mother had been raped by a demon!

She could hardly credit it. Yet, in this topsy-turvy world where Robin loved Batman, Beast Boy was their leader, and Starfire understood sarcasm, it made perfect sense that her power stemmed from the fact that she was the child of an angel.

To a point.

"Wait a minute, if Robin loves Batman, why did he go out on a date with you?"

Starfire shrugged. "Robin is a Cray, you know. I think much of his personality stems from a reaction to growing up with Batman. Batman would not tolerate his Cray unwillingness to judge, and so Robin became what he is: a juxtaposition of opposites. He openly admits that he loves Batman to everybody _but_ Batman. However, Robin understands that Batman would never return his feelings, so he attempts to make do."

**2**

The big top turned out to be a mass of confusion. Everywhere she turned, people were talking in a language she didn't speak, laughing and shouting. The tent was a riot of color and noise and activity. People bustled about business she knew nothing about.

"These are the Cray, then," she said.

They all wore bright colors— yellow was popular, as were red and green — and had dark hair. The few who met her eyes had electric blue irises, so vivid she could tell the color from yards away.

"Raven, I know you are not from here." Starfire told her just as Robin moved towards them. It was then that Raven noticed that he wore the bright colors of the Cray, and no mask. "So Robin and I shall explain."

It was the first time she had ever seen his eyes, and they were the same electric blue as the rest of the Cray's eyes.

Raven nodded.

Robin sighed. "One warning before we start: we're going to have to keep this brief. I'm sorry we can't give you more time, but if Beast Boy finds out that I've been keeping information from him..."

"I understand."

Starfire looked over to Robin, then said. "Raven, you _must_ not allow Beast Boy to know that Robin and I knew about you before he did."

And then they started fielding a miniature question and answer session with her.

"Geard" was the world's name for itself. It was an interesting choice— 'Geard' came from a Germanic root, meaning 'earth'. She would have figured this place called itself Gaia or Tierra or something.

She learned from Robin and Starfire that Geard wasn't exactly the opposite of earth— more like it had been shunted sideways and rotated 90 degrees.

She was the daughter of an angel. Beast Boy was serious enough to be a leader, and a good one at that. Cyborg was...

...Well, not the same.

It felt wrong to her that Cyborg wasn't the leader.

Starfire stared. Apparently, she had been silent for a long time.

"We shall leave you with your thoughts, since they are so heavy."

_And to get Beast Boy, no doubt_, Raven thought. She stopped herself. _Since when did I get so cynical about my friends? Robin and Starfire _are_ my friends, still._

At length, somebody new walked into the Big Top. Green, short, slender, curly dark hair. Wiry muscle.

But the serious expression on his face didn't look like Beast Boy.

Beast Boy walked over to her. "You aren't Raven."

"Yes I am."

"No, you aren't _our_ Raven. You're _a_ Raven, though."

"How..."

"Robin told me. He's good about that."

She resisted the urge to smile at the irony.

There was nothing to say, really. He had the right of it, if not the right of Robin.

"So... Where do we go from here?"

Beast Boy flashed her a quick grin. It was the same grin he had flashed her so many times back on Earth. "No idea."

They stood in silence for a little while, until Beast Boy said, "So, I guess you'll want to go home, huh?"

"Yes, I do."

"I'm sorry, but I don't know how to send you back. The Cray might know, though; they know a lot about magic."

The Cray. She had seen them, walking through the streets in the camp. She had seen them in the big top.

They didn't look particularly foreign to her— so far as she might have known, they could have been average Americans.

"I know, I know; none of them look exotic, but the entire circus is Cray. We Titans are the only ones here who aren't Cray."

"So... Who do I talk to about this?"

Beast Boy gave her a regretful look. "Raven, I'm sorry, but right now, it would probably be better if you didn't talk to anyone. We're finally making headway with Cray and we don't want to scare them."

"And my talking to them would scare them?" Somehow, she doubted that.

"Raven, we already _had_ a version of you. If you're here, then where is she? They're going to put two and two together, and start thinking that if you don't know how you got here, then _we_ must."

"Do you?"

"No."

"Good."

He smiled at her again. It was such a blinding smile.

"So what do we do?"

He sighed. "I'm putting you in Robin's team, alright? He'll take care of you."

"Wait— _Robin's team_? But..." It just didn't fit. "Does that mean you're going to make me work?"

Beast Boy laughed. "Well, _yeah_!"

"But..."

"It would look odd if I didn't."

"I see. All right, I'll transfer over to Robin's team. And..."

"And he'll put you to work. Don't worry; he's a good leader. He won't put you in over your head."

The thought that Beast Boy was reassuring her about _Robin's_ leadership abilities was laughable.

So why wasn't she cracking up?

This world was ABSURD. This entire situation was absurd! She wanted to go home already, and she hadn't been here two hours!


	2. TEASER for Chapter Two NOT CHAPTER TWO

**One Day**** Raven**

**Chapter Two**

**1**

There was a tiny blonde wandering around what was apparently the "office" portion of the meeting place. She was randomly pulling items off one of the bulletin boards.

"Robin," Raven murmured. "Just what's going on here?"

"Terra is transferring out of our team. She'll be joining Beast Boy."

"Why?" She watched Terra pack some of the items into a small bag.

After Terra finished, she turned to Raven and hissed, "I don't understand it. You screw up, and he _rewards_ you."

And then Terra left, that blonde hair— now swirling with red and pink and blue and orange stripes— swaying along the length of her back. As the door slammed, Raven could think only thing: _That girl knows how to make an exit_.

"What was that all about?"

"You made a mistake, almost let our cover slip. Terra felt that you should have been punished."

"Was I?"

"We were going to decide that this morning. We had immediately switched you and Terra as an emergency measure."

"And she views my switching 'back' as some sort of reward?"

"Yes— maybe just backsliding."

"Are we still going to make a decision this morning? Seeing as how I'm not the Raven who committed that crime?"

"Yes, but it will be farce. With Starfire, Beast Boy and I aware of your situation, there is no conceivable way for the meeting to decide to punish you."

"But why not tell Terra and Cyborg?"

"Terra has a big mouth. And Cyborg keeps all his memories logged. If somebody wanted to and was determined enough, they could pull it off of him, eventually."

That was a frightening thought. Cyborg had joined _her_ Titan to some extent as part of a search for equal treatment; his contract had all sorts of stipulations that they couldn't discriminate against him due to the fact that he wasn't entirely human.

Doubtless this Cyborg had been the same... And he was being discriminated against, anyways. He just didn't know it.

Starfire walked into the office portion. "Were your things difficult to move?"

"No, not at all." There hadn't been much.

"I see." The door closed, and the lock turned with a click. Starfire moved towards her. "Raven, no one must know about the mistake the other you made. I feel bad that she fled to your world to escape her duty, but that is so. You— and we— must now make the best of it."

Raven nodded; what Starfire was saying made sense.

Though how certain they were that that their world's Raven had fled her responsibilities disturbed her. She couldn't imagine being so irresponsible and selfish, but she wasn't this world's Raven. Maybe being flighty and unreliable was something this Raven was known for.

On her sixth hour there, she began to feel as if she were in a dream.

Starfire and Robin were wonderful to her. They explained everything so patiently. If felt strange to be in a world where Starfire knew more than she did, but she forced herself to put that feeling aside.

Her mini-trial really was a farce. Robin, Beast Boy and Starfire voted to let her off with a warning. Cyborg voted for a measure that would have been a slap on the wrist. Terra, however, voted for punishment.

Nobody said anything about the votes. Raven didn't understand exactly what they were warning her about, but she nodded her compliance anyway.

As she left the meeting place, she could feel someone's eyes boring into her back. She turned her head for a quick glance and saw Terra, staring intensely at her.

Some things, it seemed, never changed.

Also unchanged, it relieved Raven to discover, was Starfire's generally upbeat attitude. Starfire was more serious, yes, but she still had her optimism.

"Just why do you work with the Cray? I don't think they're going to come around any time soon."

"They may not, but we must at least _try_ to distance them from Harley Quinn, or at least distance the ones who are innocent in this matter from her."

Raven nodded. It made sense. Surely not all the Cray could be involved with Harley Quinn. There had to be something here worth saving when Harley made her move.

"And just how did this operation start? What do the Titans do?" It had been nagging at her. She couldn't remember ever working on a case with all the Titans undercover.

"The Titans is one of the better-hidden branches of the Justice League of America. Where the Justice League cannot become directly involved in a situation, or cannot operate overtly, it sends in the Titans."

"So we're always undercover."

"No, Friend Raven, we are never undercover." Starfire rolled her eyes, then smiled.

So what had happened to their secret identities? What had happened to Robin's wearing a mask, what had happened to all the vigilante laws?

Raven shook her head and sighed. Better not to press it. This Starfire just wouldn't understand her world.

There were times she wasn't sure if _she_ understood her world.

"You know, in my world, we... are good friends. Or as close as I come."

It felt as though it had always been that way, but it hadn't. She and Starfire hadn't always been friends. They had never exactly been enemies, either. There had been peace with no understanding. They had always seemed so different to each other. It hadn't been until they'd forcibly switched bodies that they'd begun to understand each other. Those moments had been the ones when they had begun to see the commonalities between them. That peace had become a friendship, a willingness to meet each other halfway.

She and Robin, however, had seemed to mesh from the very start. His time in the city with Batman had brought a kind of darkness to him. Sure, he shone bright and colorful in Gotham... But it wouldn't take much to be bright in Gotham. Next to Batman, Robin shone with blinding brightness. He was like a flash of something bright in the corner of your eye on a rainy night— when you viewed it on a sunny day, it didn't stand out as much.

He was bright, yes. But not as bright as Starfire, and he wasn't as dark as she was.

There were times that Raven wished she had been able to offer to Terra what she had offered to Starfire. If she had, would Terra have betrayed them?

Raven pushed that thought away. Terra had done what she wanted, and Raven's actions hadn't had anything to do with it.

**2**

Raven woke up the next morning to somebody's knocking on her door.

It was Starfire. She had her costume on again. "Friend Raven, you must rise now if you wish to be able to shower and put on your face on time."

Circuses had specific hours for things to be done? It had never seemed to her to be a very structured organization.

Raven followed Starfire to the women's bath and performed her ablutions with a gaggle of Cray women. All of them wore their hair up, covered modestly by a saffron, a red or a green scarf. They barely noticed her arrival; they were all too intent on talking amongst themselves in the Cray language.

Raven looked over at Starfire. "Does your version of me speak the Cray language?"

Starfire smiled. "No, as a matter of fact. You have nothing to fear there."


	3. Chapter Two THE REAL THING

**One Day**** Raven**

**Chapter Two**

**1**

There was a tiny blonde wandering around what was apparently the "office" portion of the meeting place. She was randomly pulling items off one of the bulletin boards.

"Robin," Raven murmured. "Just what's going on here?"

"Terra is transferring out of our team. She'll be joining Beast Boy."

"Why?" She watched Terra pack some of the items into a small bag.

After Terra finished, she turned to Raven and hissed, "I don't understand it. You screw up, and he _rewards_ you."

And then Terra left, that blonde hair— now swirling with red and pink and blue and orange stripes— swaying along the length of her back. As the door slammed, Raven could think only thing: _That girl knows how to make an exit_.

"What was that all about?"

"You made a mistake, almost let our cover slip. Terra felt that you should have been punished."

"Was I?"

"We were going to decide that this morning. We had immediately switched you and Terra as an emergency measure."

"And she views my switching 'back' as some sort of reward?"

"Yes— maybe just backsliding."

"Are we still going to make a decision this morning? Seeing as how I'm not the Raven who committed that crime?"

"Yes, but it will be farce. With Starfire, Beast Boy and I aware of your situation, there is no conceivable way for the meeting to decide to punish you."

"But why not tell Terra and Cyborg?"

"Terra has a big mouth. And Cyborg keeps all his memories logged. If somebody wanted to and was determined enough, they could pull it off of him, eventually."

That was a frightening thought. Cyborg had joined _her_ Titan to some extent as part of a search for equal treatment; his contract had all sorts of stipulations that they couldn't discriminate against him due to the fact that he wasn't entirely human.

Doubtless this Cyborg had been the same. . . And he was being discriminated against, anyways. He just didn't know it.

Starfire walked into the office portion. "Were your things difficult to move?"

"No, not at all." There hadn't been much.

"I see." The door closed, and the lock turned with a click. Starfire moved towards her. "Raven, no one must know about the mistake the other you made. I feel bad that she fled to your world to escape her duty, but that is so. You— and we— must now make the best of it."

Raven nodded; what Starfire was saying made sense.

Though how certain they were that that their world's Raven had fled her responsibilities disturbed her. She couldn't imagine being so irresponsible and selfish, but she wasn't this world's Raven. Maybe being flighty and unreliable was something this Raven was known for.

On her sixth hour there, she began to feel as if she were in a dream.

Starfire and Robin were wonderful to her. They explained everything so patiently. If felt strange to be in a world where Starfire knew more than she did, but she forced herself to put that feeling aside.

Her mini-trial really was a farce. Robin, Beast Boy and Starfire voted to let her off with a warning. Cyborg voted for a measure that would have been a slap on the wrist. Terra, however, voted for punishment.

Nobody said anything about the votes. Raven didn't understand exactly what they were warning her about, but she nodded her compliance anyway.

As she left the meeting place, she could feel someone's eyes boring into her back. She turned her head for a quick glance and saw Terra, staring intensely at her.

Some things, it seemed, never changed.

* * *

Also unchanged, it relieved Raven to discover, was Starfire's generally upbeat attitude. Starfire was more serious, yes, but she still had her optimism.

"Just why do you work with the Cray? I don't think they're going to come around any time soon."

"They may not, but we must at least _try_ to distance them from Harley Quinn, or at least distance the ones who are innocent in this matter from her."

Raven nodded. It made sense. Surely not all the Cray could be involved with Harley Quinn. There had to be something here worth saving when Harley made her move.

"And just how did this operation start? What do the Titans do?" It had been nagging at her. She couldn't remember ever working on a case with all the Titans undercover.

"The Titans is one of the better-hidden branches of the Justice League of America. Where the Justice League cannot become directly involved in a situation, or cannot operate overtly, it sends in the Titans."

"So we're always undercover."

"No, Friend Raven, we are never undercover." Starfire rolled her eyes, then smiled.

So what had happened to their secret identities? What had happened to Robin's wearing a mask, what had happened to all the vigilante laws?

Raven shook her head and sighed. Better not to press it. This Starfire just wouldn't understand her world.

There were times she wasn't sure if _she_ understood her world.

"You know, in my world, we. . . are good friends. Or as close as I come."

It felt as though it had always been that way, but it hadn't. She and Starfire hadn't always been friends. They had never exactly been enemies, either. There had been peace with no understanding. They had always seemed so different to each other. It hadn't been until they'd forcibly switched bodies that they'd begun to understand each other. Those moments had been the ones when they had begun to see the commonalities between them. That peace had become a friendship, a willingness to meet each other halfway.

She and Robin, however, had seemed to mesh from the very start. His time in the city with Batman had brought a kind of darkness to him. Sure, he shone bright and colorful in Gotham. . . But it wouldn't take much to be bright in Gotham. Next to Batman, Robin shone with blinding brightness. He was like a flash of something bright in the corner of your eye on a rainy night— when you viewed it on a sunny day, it didn't stand out as much.

He was bright, yes. But not as bright as Starfire, and he wasn't as dark as she was.

There were times that Raven wished she had been able to offer to Terra what she had offered to Starfire. If she had, would Terra have betrayed them?

Raven pushed that thought away. Terra had done what she wanted, and Raven's actions hadn't had anything to do with it.

**2**

Raven woke up the next morning to somebody's knocking on her door.

It was Starfire. She had her costume on again. "Friend Raven, you must rise now if you wish to be able to shower and put on your face on time."

Circuses had specific hours for things to be done? It had never seemed to her to be a very structured organization.

Raven followed Starfire to the women's bath and performed her ablutions with a gaggle of Cray women. All of them wore their hair up, covered modestly by a saffron, a red or a green scarf. They barely noticed her arrival; they were all too intent on talking amongst themselves in the Cray language.

Raven looked over at Starfire. "Does your version of me speak the Cray language?"

Starfire smiled. "No, as a matter of fact. You have nothing to fear there."

Except, if Raven listened closely enough. . .

One of the Cray dropped a bar of soap. Raven picked it up for her, handed it to her.

"Nais tuke," the Cray said.

Raven nearly dropped the soap again. Cray. . . She recognized it.

She turned to Starfire. "Have you ever heard of Romania? Of the Romany gypsies?" She turned to the girl, said loudly, "Bengesko niamso."

There was a low murmur of horror throughout the women gathered.

One of them wrestled through the throng, placed both her hands on Raven's shoulders, gripped them tightly. "Na bister 500,000, gadje."

That settled it. Cray. . . The Cray were just the Romany gypsies, under another name.

And suddenly, everything fell into place. Why the Cray were running a circus, why they had been outcasts for millennia, why Robin looked so much like them all.

"Who is the ringmaster here?" Raven demanded of Starfire. "Tell me."

"A man named Tito Haley, frequently called Pop."

"This is Haley's circus, the last surviving all-Cray circus, isn't it?"

Starfire nodded. "Yes, how did you know?"

"Because this same circus exists on Earth. . . it's where Robin grew up."

Memories of Robin teaching her scattered phrases in Romany sprang to mind unbidden.

Would this world's Robin have taught her to speak his earliest language in a dark room in Wayne Manor? Was this world's Robin as proud of his lineage as the Robin in her world?

Somehow, she didn't think so.

The Cray women around her all glared at her. She had called one of them a filthy German. Considering what had happened to the Gypsies in WWII, Raven didn't want to contemplate what they were probably thinking about her at the moment.

Raven performed the rest of her ablutions in silence, wishing for a shower curtain or something.

She'd never exactly been modest— considering what her costume was, nobody could really accuse her of modesty— but she wasn't used to bathing with a bunch of other people in the room. Starfire was one thing. They'd already practically seen all of each other, one way or another, anyhow. But a Starfire she didn't really know, and a group of strangers?

_We are all women of the world_, she told herself. _There's nothing freaky about this. This is a circus. They don't like to be alone. I can handle this._

Nothing is freaky in the house of freaks.

_I can handle this. I've done weirder things._

And she had. She'd performed a minor blood sacrifice to undo damage her _worshippers_ had done. She'd curled into a ball in her living room as singing, dancing zombies had waved their own limbs around and banged bloody cymbals and god knew what else they did.

When she finished washing, she dried herself off, pulled on her street clothes and left. Amazingly, she didn't get lost on the way to her trailer.

Starfire followed her and helped her put on her face. The make-up felt strange against her skin. Cold.

When she'd finished putting on the make-up, she barely recognized the face in the mirror. She had never worn eye shadow. She'd never worn eyeliner, either. In fact, she couldn't remember wearing make-up at all.

And now, to put on so much for no real reason. . .

"Well, Friend Raven? Are you ready to begin your work? Today _is_ a day of labor, after all."

Raven gave herself another long look in the mirror before taking up her drama masks and re-lacing the bodice of her dress.

* * *

Children, it turned out, were easy to amuse. All she had to do was show up holding her Happy Mask on a Stick over her face and act enthusiastic.

The acting part was hard, but it wasn't long before she managed to get the children to leave. She told bad jokes and made the children sing silly songs.

ACT II, SCENE 8 — ENTERTAINING THE CHILDREN, PART ONE

**RAVEN  
**What looks like a traffic light and smells like hair grease?

_RAVEN pauses._

**RAVEN  
**Robin! _Points at ROBIN._

_Children look, and surely enough, ROBIN looks like a traffic light and smells of hair grease._

_All laugh._

CURTAIN

And she realized that keeping children entertained wasn't hard. Swallowing her pride and making herself seem happy was a challenge, but once she forced herself to get over it. . .

It really wasn't hard.

And then she met Trevor.

"Hi, I'm Princess Raven!" She forced herself to flash a cheesy grin "What's your name?"

The boy stared at the ground. "Trevor," he answered sulkily.

Raven knelt and took the boy's hand in both of her own, shaking his hand enthusiastically. "It's nice to meet you, Trevor. What's your favorite animal?"

"I hate animals."

"That's not true, Trevor," said a tall man she could only assume to be Trevor's father.

The short, dimpled woman next to him smiled apologetically. She laid her hand on Trevor's head.

"Can you tell the pretty lady what your favorite animal is?"

Still sulking, Trevor muttered, "Frogs."

"Oh, goody! I like frogs, too! Now, look here, Trevor." She crossed to the woman, whom she assumed to be Trevor's mother"Excuse me ma'am, just what's your name?"

"I'm Glenda, Princess Raven."

"Glenda. That's a nice name. Well, Mrs. Glenda, I have a surprise for you. Hold out one hand and close your eyes."

Glenda did so.

Raven waved one hand over Glenda's. She murmured her chant.

Nearby, the lily pad on which a frog sat began to quiver and lift. It levitated towards Glenda, then dumped its contents into Glenda's hand.

**3**

_11:00 PM_

Raven stared at the plate in front of her. The Cray of this particular circus kept odd hours to accommodate the circus hours.

They ate breakfast early, lunch at four, and then dinner after the show. If you grew hungry in between meals, you had to eat on your own time, as your duties allowed.

"Not hungry?" Robin asked.

"It's not that. . . I just. . ."

The items on her dinner plate didn't look edible. In fact, they didn't look like anything edible she'd ever seen before. Even the food on Tamaran had looked more appetizing than this stuff.

Starfire looked over at her. "I think she does not know what it is. Even if you are uncertain of the food's quality, you must eat it. If you do not, you will grow weak."

Something about the way Starfire said that sent a chill down Raven's spine.

A Cray woman walked up to them. Her long, flowing skirts and shawl-like shirt swirled around her as she produced an envelope. She handed it to Robin, and then walked away.

Robin opened the envelope, revealing a letter written in symbols Raven couldn't read.

"Harley is hosting another_ party_ in O Baro tonight." Robin spat out the word _party_ as if it were an insult. "She. . . requests your attendance."

Raven looked over at Starfire. "Whose?"

"Ours." Starfire sounded sad.

Raven bit down panic.


	4. Teaser of Chapter Three

**One Day Raven Woke Up Gay**

**Teaser for Chapter Three**

_6:14 AM_

Raven somehow managed to keep herself very still, and very quiet.

In the shadows, two figures moved. With the distance and the darkness, Raven couldn't tell many defining features— one was probably male, or a very unfortunate female, and the other was definitely female. That was all she could tell.

She would need to hear their voices to guess who they were. But when they spoke, their voices sounded different. She didn't recognize them at all.

"What else may we do?"

"The JLA won't be happy with us, if..."

"But what choice do we have? He has made it such that this is the only step we can take. We swore vows."

Who was 'he?' What vows?

Silence for a moment. Raven drooled into her hand to keep from swallowing.

The probably male figure said, "It feels wrong."

"Do you fear that your actions will displease your mentor?"

But the probably male figure said nothing. This led to more silence. Raven rubbed her hand on her thigh.

The woman said, "Is it not exquisite irony? The Child is the Father of the Man, yet you drive your father to become your enemy."

"The situation feels less like Wordsworth and more like Kafka, to me. Where did you learn about _Ode_'s epigraph?"

A Wordsworth quote? What on earth? Who _were_ these people?

She wished she knew this team. She wished she knew _her_ team, because she had the vague recollection of Beast Boy liking Wordsworth, but she wasn't sure.

"From whom do you think?"

Silence.

"I see. You learned it from him, of course."

"Of course. Explain your reference to Kafka, please."

"Read _The Metamorphosis_. If you've _The Metamorphosis_, the reference explains itself. Besides, I'm not a child."

"Are you not? But you are no man yet, either. What then do you call one who is neither Child nor Man? My people would term such a person a Child."

"A teenager."

"I was not speaking of the physical."

"Whatever. Can we stop the riddles and go back to the original subject?"

"I proposed the only reasonable course of action. I do not understand why you dislike the idea of taking it."

"It isn't reasonable, it's ruthless."

Silence.

Were they talking about murder? Or were they talking about something more sinister?

This felt like a dream from which she wanted very much to awaken.

"We swore vows."

"I swore another vow before I swore to you. I'm not going to break it."

Neither the woman nor the probably male figure said anything. They faced each other, in silence.

Probably a stare-down.

"We have an additional complication," the woman said.

"I've noticed. Do you want to solve the other complication the same way?"

"I propose nothing of the sort. What if we could convince the complications to cancel each other?"

"No, we would still be left with that last complication."

"Why must she meddle? Does she delight in...?"

"Who knows?"

"Do you think we could convince _her_ to cancel out all our other complications?"

"No. She's too..."

The male figure made a gesture.

"I understand."

(Hr)  
End Teaser

(Hr)  
You just don't get it, do you? I am on an update schedule. I am updating faster than I have ever updated before. ...With the exception of Hello to the Night, but that was because I had inspiration, and I slowed down pretty quickly.

I seriously do not want to read, "that chapter rocked!i love your story, and i can't wait until the next update, so please update soon." ever again. It's nice that you love my fic. With that, I'm cool.

**But the next time I read a review that has the words "update soon," I will go on hiatus. I mean it.**

This is not just because it is highly annoying and exasperating; it is also because I AM ON AN UPDATE SCHEDULE. I cannot and will not upload any faster while maintaining quality work. Telling me to do so is like trying to teach a pig to sing— it doesn't work, and it aggravates the pig.

If you want to know when I'm updating this fic next, I update One Day Raven Woke up Gay every Thursday. If you want to know when I update my other fics, you can _click over to my profile, it's not hard, the link is at the top of this window_.

I hate to sound like a bitch about this, but I've really, really had it. At this rate, I'll write all the chapters out but stop updating the fics on 


	5. Teaser for Chapter 3, take II

**One Day Raven Woke Up Gay**

**Second Teaser of Chapter Three**

**1**

_11:25 PM_

Raven stared over her shoulder, at the black-feathered wings Starfire had strapped onto her.

Memories of having to bend over and let Starfire help make sure the bustier pushed her breasts practically _out of her clothing_ brought a flush to her face.

Neither she nor Starfire would have ever dreamed of something like that happening, in her world.

Raven smoothed down her clothing. "So, what exactly do I do?"

Starfire smiled. "Friend Raven, you need not fear. Harley uses you exclusively for hostess duty."

"Hostess duty?"

"You sit with an assigned guest and make them comfortable. You do much talking with them, in attempts to glean money— or even better, secrets— from them."

"What about tips?"

"When a guest gives you money to thank you for your service, you may keep it if it is not in excess of one hundred American dollars."

"What do I say? What do I do?"

Starfire smiled again. "Be charming. Engage them in areas of conversation at which you both excel. The rest of the information you need is in this briefing. This was your first briefing, by the way."

She handed a packet of papers. Raven leaned up against the vanity to read it. Interesting, if terrifying, reading.

Someone knocked on the trailer, startling her from her reading.

* * *

This is it for now, as it's all I have time for.

Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to make my update days until about Tuesday. I'm getting a new 17" monitor, possibly flat screen (I haven't seen it yet) from a family member, but she made me promise to stay off the internet throughout her stay. Seeing as how my current monitor is dying (it's _unbelievably_ dark, and I have it on the highest possible brightness setting), this is not an opportunity I can just pass by. I'm sure you all understand.


End file.
